When It Clicks: The Guide To Mastering Online Dating by Harris O'Malley

Author:Harris O'Malley [O'Malley, Harris]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: NerdLove Industries
Published: 2015-07-06T21:00:00+00:00

SIX

TAKING IT OFFLINE

Setting Up The First Date

PEOPLE GET ODDLY hung up on making the transition from talking online to meeting in public. The point of online dating is dating after all; if you like someone well enough online, it’s only natural to want to meet up to see whether that chemistry continues in person. The biggest mistake that people make is assuming that showing interest is somehow bad; it ties into the idea that “whomever cares the least, has the most power”. This is a lovely thought if you treat every relationship as a contest for dominance, less so for a kindling a happy romance.

As a general rule of thumb, if you’ve exchanged three or more solid messages or long, interesting chats with plenty of back and forth, then it’s worth asking the person to meet up. You don’t need to make a big production out of asking, a simple “Hey, I’ve been really enjoying talking to you and I’d like to continue this. Maybe over coffee?” is sufficient.

Your match may not be ready quite yet; that’s fine. Some people will want to talk a little bit more. The important part is putting meeting up in person on the table. The longer you take to “work up the courage” to ask or “to get comfortable”, the less likely you’re going to meet at all. The more you message back and forth without asking them out, the less interested you’ll look. Doesn’t matter if you’re both waiting for the other person to make the first move; if everybody’s waiting, nobody’s dating.

The other thing to keep in mind: once you’ve asked, leave it alone. The ball’s in their court now. Badgering them repeatedly will only make them decide they’d rather not go out with you. If you’ve asked someone to meet and they don’t give any suggestions about times that might work better for them, then you’re better off simply meeting up with someone else. You’ve shown that you’re interested. If they’re interested in meeting, they’ll respond to your invitation or propose another date and time.

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